PENIS.
It has been a while since I wrote. I was kind of waiting for something to happen to write about. Things did happen, but I was lazy and have since forgotten a lot of them.
So lets talk about penis.
I’m not going to give you all the wonderful and varied ways to say penis, you can do that yourself. It’ll make you smile, promise.
I think a lot of people have seen pictures circulating the internet of giant wooden penises. There is usually a caption to go with it that argues that the Japanese are insane.
Sure, having festivals and giant wooden penises as the focal point is arguably insane. However, traveling for around an hour with a hangover, no shower, and being on the verge of crapping your pants at the thought of a 2 meter penis makes me more insane.
I was in the company of about 9 million other foreigners who were either hungover, hadn’t stopped drinking, or were upset that they had already burned a few hours of daylight not drinking (At 10AM no less).
I’ve never seen so many foreigners. They were unbearably annoying. I know I am the same way, but there was that added element of wooden penises that just brought out the best in everyone.
When we got off the train, we just started following the herd of people to the penis while we saw the other foreigners run the other way, to a liquor store. We weren’t sure exactly where the penises were, but eventually we passed a couple of foreigners who caught us off guard.
Her tone of voice was so friendly and casual, it was like she was saying, “Hey guys, what’s up?”
What she really said was, “The big penis is up there.”
This little sentence sticks out as one of the most helpfully awkward bits of help I have ever received. I can honestly say that this will probably be the first and last time I actively seek a huge penis, but it really warmed my heart to know that someone was there to point me in the right direction.
I have taken pictures of the penis and the activities, but it basically broke down like this. There was a huge 2 meter penis, and many smaller penises for public enjoyment. A parade started staring those penises and free sake. The parade went to another shrine where all sorts of festival type activities were going on. You could eat food from vendors, most of which was penis shaped, play little games, and go to the temple pray, and write your prayer on a little board with a penis.
We even saw a taiko demonstration. Taiko is the traditional drumming. It doesn’t sound interesting or special, but it is a really great experience. The drums are so loud and powerful that they shake you. The music is very strong and good, even though it involves only drums and maybe a flute. The drummers incorporate a tremendous amount of skill in being perfectly in synch as well as dressing up their drumming with choreographed flourishes.
Very cool.
Anyway, it was a long beautiful penis filled day, but Megan and I were tired, so we left pretty early to come home and relax and let the day’s events of penis day settle in our minds.
Now there are lots of other little things I have left out of this glowing penis day. For example, I bought Megan some penis candy. She enjoyed it thoroughly. She sang little songs like, “I have a penis in my pocket.”
Yesterday, March 14th was White day. White day is the equivalent to Valentines day in that men give girls gifts. February 14th is still Valentines day here, but women give gifts to men. Megan got penis candy.
Foreigners in Japan really do suck. They are loud, rude, and obnoxious all day long. Jim, Megan, and I avoided the others as much as we could, and Jim is their friend. Thats how bad it is.
For example, two guys were walking around drinking beers like everyone else. They had their beer walk down. One hand went to the bag for a beer, his friend got the bottle opener and opened it for his friend. All without breaking their stride. Then these two assholes sneak into someone’s yard and throw all their empties in the yard.
The day before we went to Nagoya with no plans for penis. We didn’t even know about it. We went to go eat Thai food with some work friends. It was good and expensive, and a crushing realization that we are broke.
We have to float for a week on about $40, then we will get paid. We didn’t overspend, we over saved. We sent too much money to America, which leaves it inaccessible to us.
After dinner, Jim was calling friends about whatever and I started hearing the words, “Penis,” far more frequently than I am used to hearing. So I asked what all the penis talk was, and he told me the plan.
I dragged Megan into the plan as well. I think if she wasn’t as curious as I was, she wouldn’t have gone.
Here was the plan. We were going to go to Yurie and Daisuke’s apartment and play Daifugo with his neighbor. Daifugo is great fun. Learn it and enjoy.
Then we would all crash out and have an early start so we would be ready for a great day of penis.
We had to buy toothbrushes at a convenience store, and wear the same clothes. Yurie and Daisuke’s apartment is actually a studio that is maybe 450 square feet. It was tight quarters, but actually quite pleasant.
We fell in love with their dog, “Oi.” She is a little french bulldog that is a total sweetheart and grunts like a pig all day. Ridiculously cute.
Daifugo was great, and Daisuke’s neighbors are wonderful. They gave me a present for no reason at all, and I couldn’t say thank you enough. Just so nice.
Thats about the long and short of it all. Next weekend we are going to Hiroshima with some friends too, so that will be another big adventure. We are also trying to book a flight for either Okinawa or Vietnam because it will be spring break. Lots of plans.
March 15th, 2009 at 5:25 pm by rl