Cover Letters I’ve Written.
I hate applying for jobs. So in my frustration I have started writing cover letters that I would enjoy reading. Here are some:
Dear Boss,
My name is Ryan Latta. I’m awesome. Awesome like a time-travelling ninja-pirate invisibly altering the course of history with his pet dragon. Let me explain.
I graduated from NC State University with a B.S. in Computer Science. People tell me it is in the top 5 engineering schools in the country. They tell me this because people say strange things when reacting to meeting one of the more remarkable people in the world. In fact, I have only ever met someone more remarkable than me, but I convinced him to leave the country (True story). I have studied and practiced areas of software development and system administration extensively. I have won awards for software development at both the world-wide and collegiate level. I even have competed in world-wide security competitions as well. I do these things because if I don’t occupy my hands they are likely to turn what they touch into gold, which will only hurt our economy more.You need someone that is a leader. Someone who takes initiative, works with people, and does what they promise. In terms of taking initiative, I was born. I doubt you’ll find someone better than that. In terms of leadership, I have never been in a position that I was not a leader in. Even now, my bosses have me tell them how to do their job. I know you need someone to do two jobs, thankfully I was born with two hands to do them. I can provide you with a stable, secure, environment where the developers are happy, and ready for the next challenge. Yes, I am that good.
I know you have a lot of applicants, but you need someone as amazing as a time-travelling ninja-pirate who has a pet dragon. Talk to you soon.
Thanks,
Ryan Latta
Dear Boss,
My name is Ryan Latta. I came across your job posting for a Software Developer/Architect and I knew I would be the A1 to your steak.
I graduated from NC State University with a B.S. in Computer Science, but more importantly I distinguished myself as someone who showered regularly, made friends, and could give presentations without crying. Of lesser importance I placed 2nd in a world-wide coding competition held by IBM, and got another award for my creative development abilities. I have used nearly every language and technology that exists for one reason or another. Mostly because that is what it takes these days to graduate with a CS degree, and it keep us nerds inside where we can’t harm the, “Normals.”
Your job posting had no less than 4,000 bulleted requirements. I only read about 3 of them. That isn’t to say you aren’t an engaging writer or that your bullets don’t beckon the reader. Its just that I already knew you needed a web developer. I know Java, .NET, Security issues, OO paradigms, Design patterns, unit testing, BBQing, knitting, SQL, Origami, and how to use XML. Did I mention I’m the A1 to your steak yet?
You have an immediate need for someone who can do the job of web development, and I’ve sent you this email. If you want someone who can just do a job, don’t hire me. If you want someone who can make a name for the company, set up an interview.
Thanks,
Ryan Latta
October 5th, 2009 at 3:21 pm by rl